An Unsatisfied Kraving

About two months ago, there was a stream of messages in my Instagram DMs asking me, "If I'm Okay?"So let me start off by saying, yes, I am okay but little did I know I have been starving, and as much as I've been eating, physical food has just not been cutting it.

Recently, I truly decided to follow God. I mean, I took a real hard look at my life and decided the things of this world were no longer filling me. In doing so, I began reading my Bible, praying more often and asking "the hard" questions about the world around me. Desperately seeking truth, forgiveness and healing. For a long time, let's call it nine years, I thought I was a Christian but I continued to live in whatever capacity I wanted and it caught up with me. I find myself now facing times of guilt, shame and honestly feeling a little lost but holding on to the truth that Jesus saved me, and created liberties for me experience the joys of life including, indulging in great food and experiences with loved ones.

Why am I telling you this? Well for one, because I took a hard look in the mirror and of my Instagram and asked if it reflected God's mission, and while yes, we must eat and even Jesus feasted, I took a hard look at why I am posting and who my followers see when I post? Just a girl? A girl who loves hair, makeup and fashion? A girl who likes to eat? A lack of meals for carnivores? A girl who spends a small fortune on food? A knife? A fork? Or a God Fearing Women? I'm sure it wasn't the latter. Which led me to ask myself even deeper questions about myself and who God made me to be. Why do I feel the need to wear weave? Is make-up a necessity for me to wear in every post? Am I afraid to talk about God within my Instagram community? And when I post, am I looking to inform people or receive praise for my artistic perspective on pancakes? That being said, I don't have the answers to these questions right now but I am looking for them. I am trying to rest in God's presence and truly develop an understanding of where this journey will lead me.

So friends, do not fret, I don't plan on falling off the face of the planet again for a while, but I am working on being spiritually fed, as well as physically. For the first time in my life I'm realizing that the gift of Jesus Christ on the cross is so undeserved and in the mist of a crisis, how much more we can look to Him. I am grateful for the second chances the cross gives us. I don't know what you believe or perhaps, who you even are but I hope you start asking yourself the "hard questions", seeking God and loving those around you. Life is short and let's face it, Instagram is not everything. I'm not saying our social media outlets aren't important or that expressing myself isn't important, or that our feelings aren't valid, I'm simply saying I'm shifting my focus to realign myself with my faith, family, values and my goals for the foreseeable future. While still EATING ALOT !!!LOL (Everything in Moderation Yall! LOL)